Frustration...

This is a conversation with Dan today. It went around and around and around... Communication with him is SO frustrating.

I think he's actually bothered by the fact that I'm NOT "stalking" him, or meddling, and it bothers him.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:42:44 AM): Oh, and BTW, the whole "My relationships are 'nonya'" comment... If there is someone that my children are going to be around, it MAKES it my business. If a relationship progresses to the point where the person IS going to meet the children, I have every right to know about them and who they are. If you think differently, you have no respect for a parental role, at all.

Dan (2/28/2009 1:54:47 PM): Actually I have read through a few of those and am processing it all. I think my biggest issue though, is that it should be up to my discression. I will not argue that there are very good ideas in there and yes the kids are probley looking to cling to someone new. So yes I totally get it, I just still feel kinda controlled by you if I give you this, I will possible agree to this but I need to think on this and I believe that there are other things that do need to be addressed, things that are within what you have already put into those papers that I believe need to be enforced a bit more. Let me think about this though for a day or so and I will get back to you though.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 1:57:42 PM): The REASON for the parenting agreement is to take the "discretion" out of problematic and concerning areas.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:02:04 PM): like I said, gimmie just a couple days to think about it

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:03:14 PM): I was just making sure you understood the reason for the agreement in the first place. If you're "thinking about it" what was the point of this message? What other things need to be "enforced" more?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:05:39 PM): your whole thing about partners remaining civil, I want to basically quit hearing all the comments all the time about sex and what not from your significant other, that and i want you and him to quit stalking me online. pretty reasonable I think

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:07:30 PM): Comments about sex? You say plenty of them yourself. As far as stalking you online? WTF are you talking about? Seriously.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:09:07 PM): james is always checking up on me on ok cupid for sure that much I know. but telling people I have aids also was kinda crossing the line and I feel that things like that need to stop, I want my privacy, and the meddling within my relationships to stop. I mean you guys have harrassed people I was seeing in the past as well and that I do not want to happen ever again.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:10:36 PM): Um... the AIDS thing was something that was told to ME by one of your ex's... so shouldn't you be worried about HER saying the shit too? I told ONE person... and you act like I drive past your house every two hours or some shit. How the FUCK do you seriously think that I'm meddling in your relationships? Are you SERIOUSLY that fucking paranoid?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:10:37 PM): as far as the talk about sex, I do try to play it off but quite often, I do say, I really do not want to see or hear something and he continues anyway.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:11:02 PM): And what has been said about sex that's so offensive and awful?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:11:06 PM): you harrassed crystal, kris as well as cheyenne online

Dan (2/28/2009 2:11:25 PM): and the aids thing should have been brought to me first

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:11:37 PM): Harassed Crystal? You TOLD me to take my concerns to her.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:11:40 PM): Did you NOT?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:11:59 PM): yea, but you want from concern to attack, you have trouble with bounderies

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:12:38 PM): So, wait, you never saw any chat logs, but yet, you pretend to know how things were said?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:12:51 PM): I have seen some

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:13:11 PM): According to YOU, there were NO chat logs because she didn't have access to her own internet.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:13:24 PM): oh wait, with krystal, no I did not see any

Dan (2/28/2009 2:13:32 PM): with the other two, yes

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:13:41 PM): Chat logs with who, Kris?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:13:47 PM): WTF? I said ONE THING to her.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:13:57 PM): That was in a Fubar SB.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:14:11 PM): As far as Cheyenne, I never even TALKED to her online.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:14:11 PM): lol, yeah but you sent other people to harass her, either you or james did

Dan (2/28/2009 2:14:20 PM): james used to text her all the time

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:14:57 PM): She'd texted HIM first!

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:15:41 PM): As far as "harassing" Kris, I'd told a couple people why I was upset... they did it on their own.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:17:33 PM): so I could not take it to them

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:17:42 PM): Why couldn't you?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:17:52 PM): because I do not know who said it

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:18:17 PM): Or, how about you let people fight their OWN battles and stop stepping in the middle of everything?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:18:23 PM): Get over the Jesus complex, will ya?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:18:39 PM): huh?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:18:45 PM): what are you talking about?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:19:22 PM): I mean, what was the point of telling me to take my issues with Krystal TO Krystal, if when I said anything that upset her, she came running to you and you intervened?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:19:22 PM): do we have to resort to name calling here?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:19:31 PM): Who called who names?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:19:41 PM): you just said I had a jesus complex

Dan (2/28/2009 2:19:48 PM): and I could care less about krystal

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:19:53 PM): That is not name calling, it's saying you have a Jesus complex.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:19:56 PM): I am talking about in the furture

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:20:06 PM): If you couldn't care less about her, then QUIT FUCKING BRINGING IT UP!

Dan (2/28/2009 2:20:16 PM): I cannot walk on water but damn if I could do the fish and bread trick it would save me money

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:20:59 PM): Christ.. it's kind of funny that you'd say "wait for me to show that I've changed" and shit, over and over and over again over the summer, but the only examples of stuff that you have of stuff that's "bothered" you are at least six months old.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:21:14 PM): the aids thing isn't

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:21:20 PM): I mean, seriously, if these things that you bring to me are all you can come up with, you have NOTHING to bitch about.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:21:33 PM): stalking me on ok cupid happend a couple weeks ago

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:21:58 PM): So, you're saying that if someone sees an online profile of someone they know, they aren't to check it out?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:22:02 PM): You checked me out too

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:22:05 PM): So?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:22:29 PM): I checked it out after you made the aids comment on there to someone

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:23:10 PM): I was telling what an ex of yours had told me. How was I to know that it wasn't true? If I had ASKED you, I'd have been accused of butting into your sex life, and you fucking know it.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:23:41 PM): you guys know I have a profile on there, what more do you need to know, the fact that you have contacted people I have on there crosses bounderies, and on the aids thing , you would have a right to know if I did

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:24:05 PM): Besides, the things in the agreement ARE being followed... the civility is to occur IN FRONT OF the children.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:24:38 PM): soooo, basically you are saying you will not leave me alone?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:25:09 PM): And how the fuck would I know WHO you have on your OK Cupid profile? People don't leave comments, people don't show up, etc... you send messages... so the only thing that anybody gets out of looking at your OK Cupid profile is laughing at spelling and grammar errors.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:25:43 PM): And who ISN'T leaving you alone.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:25:51 PM): you found at least one

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:26:12 PM): I didn’t know where you talked to her from, I remembered you talking about her over the summer, and I wasn't even sure if it was the right one.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:26:36 PM): sooo, some random person you are going to say that you suspect I have aids to? that is nice

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:27:09 PM): Umm.. I never said a last name, so if that random person didn't meet some dude from Plymouth named Dan over the summer, then it really wouldn’t matter to them, would it?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:27:44 PM): ok, well I can see that, but I just do not understand what is so hard about leaving me alone

Dan (2/28/2009 2:27:47 PM): seriously

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:27:58 PM): Hell, that night I sent 5 or 6 messages.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:28:16 PM): Again.. WHO THE FUCK ISN'T LEAVING YOU ALONE?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:28:23 PM): Please, share how you are being so fucking harassed.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:28:56 PM): I have told you time and time again, granted it has mellowed out recently but I want to make sure it stays that way

Dan (2/28/2009 2:29:17 PM): is that too much to ask?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:29:36 PM): No, you have NOT told me time and time again, because none of your supposed complaints were valid.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:29:44 PM): I talked to Krystal because you told me to

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:30:01 PM): I talked to Kris because she suddenly shouted me and told me that I needed to be committed.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:30:22 PM): James texted Cheyenne because she texted first

Dan (2/28/2009 2:32:44 PM): ok, krystal it is true enough, she did say though that even after me and her broke up, that you continued to harass her, Kris, well I do know what happened there but I think having your friends step in was a bit much and never did I hear of an effort to prevent it, and cheyenne, well, she lied to me alot so I have no clue what to think of that. all I am saying is that I don't want to be harrassed, and if someone I am with initiates contact like has happened in the past, please share with me then so I know what is going on, is that cool?

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:33:37 PM): I NEVER talked to Krystal after that one or two days through messenger. After that, there was no contact what so ever.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:34:04 PM): she told me that up until I quit talking to her completely that you harrassed her

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:35:11 PM): As far as friends stepping in with Kris, by the time I even knew it was happening, it was well beyond anything I had any control over and I didn't even know who was involved myself, although I honestly don't believe that I have the power to start a chain reaction of that magnitude.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:35:19 PM): I have a feeling that she was exaggerating the situation.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:35:50 PM): And how, exactly, was I harassing Krystal?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:35:53 PM): how do you know it is exxagerated if you do not know what was said

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:36:13 PM): And if, someone you're with contacts me, if I choose to contact YOU, that's MY business.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:36:13 PM): she just said you continually kept messeging her

Dan (2/28/2009 2:36:59 PM): ok, well if you want me to not think you are harrassing me, head it off at the pass then and let me know, if you want me to think you are meddling, then be my guest and keep it yourself then

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:37:19 PM): You'd think what you want anyway, so that doesn't really matter.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:37:46 PM): Just like now. There's no point in telling me that I tired of Krystal after about 3 minutes, and had no need to continue to message her.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:38:26 PM): If there WERE any messages, they were responses to what she had said that she didn't get right away and happened to get the next time she'd logged in.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:38:43 PM): If I was harassing her so horribly, then why did she talk to me a few weeks ago and say nothing about it to me?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:39:20 PM): I have no clue, me and her don't talk anymore

Dan (2/28/2009 2:39:31 PM): I just know what she told me

Dan (2/28/2009 2:39:41 PM): she told me that shit back in october

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:39:44 PM): Just like you only know what people tell YOU.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:40:10 PM): Fuck, I didn't even know you were still talking to her in October...

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:40:17 PM): I would've given YOU shit for that one.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:40:48 PM): just chatted online a couple times

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:41:35 PM): The last time I tried to tell you that I was being told shit, you basically told me to fuck off, so that's not even going to be an issue again. It will all continue to be "nonya"

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:41:50 PM): Until the point where the children are to meet the person, and then it is my right to know.

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:42:15 PM): I've actually been TOO lax at not demanding to know who the children are spending time with.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:42:54 PM): hmmmm, well I have not introduced them to anyone that I did not introduce them to while I was living there

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:43:50 PM): I didn't know what all the people were like that the kids were spending extended periods of time with when they were with you.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:44:36 PM): I would not endanger our kids

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:45:00 PM): And you know people so well that you have left them with?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:45:34 PM): but I need to get off here, I have alot of things to get done today and I am already behind, gimmie a couple days to think about the 90 day thing ok

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:46:24 PM): That's one that I'm not comfortable budging on. If I have to, I will get an attorney to fight for that one, and bring reams of evidence stating that 90 days is more than reasonable.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:47:01 PM): let me think on it for a couple of days, OK

Kara Peregrine (2/28/2009 2:47:09 PM): And it's not because of anything other than the fact that I think it's important for the kids.

Dan (2/28/2009 2:47:27 PM): is a couple days too much to ask? I see your standpoint and I am only asking for a couple of days

Dan (2/28/2009 2:49:48 PM): am I not allowed to process and think about it?

Dan (2/28/2009 2:51:31 PM): well I got to go, I guess we talk about this later

For some reason, my chart blog didn't show up somehow, so it's getting deleted. I'll figure out how to blog it so it shows up correctly.

My Chart

Astrology is not just a subject; it's an activity. Consequently, you don't study it - you do it. Astrology is an activity based on the principle of Unus Mundus - the Universe as Unity. Everything - from atom to galaxy - is rooted in the same universal and all-pervasive reality. And this reality reveals itself in the purposeful, ordered and meaningful processes of nature, as well as in the deepest recesses of the human mind and spirit. 'As above - so below'. Anything happening in one part of the system gets mirrored in a self-similar way everywhere else. Quantum Physics tells us that the very act of observing something changes it. And the Butterfly Effect of Chaos Theory shows how even the tiniest flap of a wing can eventually produce a hurricane. Upon examining my own life, I can see how the slightest shifts of direction have led me down some very divergent paths and presented me with infinitely strange and beautiful experiences. But the most satisfying and successful of these experiences have come when I was going with the flow of time and determinism. The Universe, being the accommodating creature that she is, will provide confirmation of almost any paradigm we adopt. Mental events (perception) and acts of free will carry with them pure information which is transmitted instantly throughout the material world. To this extent, we live in an observer-created reality. Something out there (the Great Organizing Dynamic, as some have called it) responds to what we believe about ourselves and our world. From this standpoint, you are a channel, a vehicle, an agency, an instrument, a representative. And your birth chart may best be described as an output program - an indication of what should be flowing into manifestation through you. Although I might speak of 'my' horoscope, in a very practical sense, it does not belong to me - rather I belong to it. As do all the other entities, animate and inanimate, that came into being at about the same time and place. Cosmic Powers, if indeed there are such things, appear to use me and what I have to offer, and not the other way 'round. You will not get the best out of your birth chart unless you become a go-between worthy of relaying the best. Concentrate first on construction and creativity, and use astrology to define the possibilities as you go along. In the fractal logic of astrology, each planet, sign and house is a self-similar unity complete with its own rewards. For example, you may have transiting Jupiter conjunct your natal Sun. The usual interpretation of this aspect is one of increased vitality, luck and optimism. In reality however this may or may not happen, because the promise of a Jupiter-Sun contact cannot happen without the proper conditions first being in place. And only you can put them there. By adopting an out-going attitude, by exploring new dimensions, by playing with ideas rather than holding rigidly to one static model, you put yourself into the Jupiter mode. By opening up to the Universe in this way, you actually invite luck into your life, and create a positive feedback loop of openness and optimism, which attracts more of the same.

By way of confirmation, the information this report is based on is as follows: Kara January 19 1976 07:03 PM Plymouth, Indiana - 5 GMT 086° 19' W 41° 21' N Tropical Zodiac - Placidus Houses

The Luminaries: Sun and Moon

The state of the solar system at the time of your birth points to self-similar (fractal) qualities within you. But of all the planets, the "lights" - the Sun and Moon - are thought to indicate the main polarity of your being. In psychology, this has been articulated in the concept of complementarity between the conscious and unconscious contents of the mind. The Sun and Moon act as positive and negative poles - an intentional, directing element (Sun), and a suggestible, receptive one (Moon). In a beneficial relationship, the emotional conditioning of the Moon is given a purposive and positive expression by the astrological Sun. This has been called 'intentional living'. Wherever we allow our consciousness (attention) to rest, that we vitalize.

The Astrological Sun

There is only one center to our solar system, and there is only one center to your psyche. The Sun is the great central powerhouse which illuminates us and shows us where we can get the most from life by radiating all that our sun represents. In Jyotish, the astrology of the Hindus, the Sun is known as 'atma karaka', or soul indicator, signifying a person's confidence, authority and power - the ego center of the horoscope. The Sun is our central identity and 'true self', in that it is toward this more than anything that we should be moving and developing. Thus, it represents that which we wish to become and those we look up to. It is also our essence, our bliss, and that which we do for the sheer fun of it. The Sun is creativity, original flair, celebration and glory - the quality of output we tend to expect from heros and celebrities. But we are each capable of giving out more than we do - and I don't mean money. The Sun is about having a purpose large enough to animate the whole of your life and going about it with a tone of appreciation and joie de vivre. Your Sun shows how and where you can shine. Light your fire!

Sun in Capricorn Capricorn is, above all, determined. Persistence is your creed and you are happiest when in control or managing something practical. The Sun placed here must create a personal distinction by fulfilling the obligations and conditions necessary for a solid and significant achievement. It has to be enduring. Disciplined and ambitious, you take life seriously. You are far-sighted and purposeful, and don't mind denying yourself a few comforts while you work toward the goal of Success. Having a sense of structure is very important, for you recognise that only through careful planning can we manifest our aims. Capricorn is the business head of the zodiac, and the very opposite of emotional Cancer. Given to clear ambition, practical insight and vision, Capricorn always takes a distanced perspective and a cool appraisal. Deliberate and painstaking, sometimes to the point of austerity, Capricorn loves work and the hard-earned results. Status and material reward are very important.

Sun Opposite Saturn Construction, conservation and regulation of the life force. Lives cautiously and with discipline. There is always pressure to be responsible and 'do the right thing'. An ability to be highly successful in business through leaderhip and strong ambition, although there is a held-back-ness to life which delays and restricts rewards. Values and morals are exceptional and works for justice and benefit of the whole. There is a depth of character which comes from willing self-responsibility.

Sun Sesquiquadrate Mars A born doer and person of action. The ego is strong, energetic, assertive and extroverted. There is an incredible drive to accomplish and achieve in life which pushes straight-on toward whatever goals are in mind. Ambitions are backed-up by the will to get things done, but can be very driven to the point of being too aggressive. There is a strong need for physical outlet. This aspect fosters heroism and valor with much activity being directed toward self-expression.

Sun Semisquare Neptune Dreams and visions are reality. High ideals and an ability to enchant with words and images. There is concern with the true mysteries of existence. Lives with no boundaries between the self and the environment. At home in the 'transcendental' realm; the most crucial experiences of life happen internally in the form of deeply sensitive perceptions. There is also a great affinity for music and poetry.

Sun Conjunct Mercury Mentally active. Intellectual expression comes easily, but is often restless and lacking patience because the mind operates so quickly. Ablility to excel in speaking, writing and all types of communication, but can lack objectivity. Witty and humorous with a dramatic mind, will benefit by being in a teaching or lecturing occupation. Mind wants to capture as much new information as possible, so travel when you can.

Sun Square Uranus Unconventional, independent and drawn to whatever is different and original in life. Hates being tied down with the drudgery of routine, preferring instead to keep options open. Gets involved in causes that go against tradition, revolutions of one kind or another - social or political. Men in particular are eccentric or nonconformist. Computers, electronics and everything 'new-wave' appeals.

The Astrological Moon

The astrological Moon symbolises memory, memes and conditioning - the habitual, instinctive, unconscious side of our nature, and therefore the most predictible. Our interface with the environment - how we react to it - is best indicated by the Moon's position and the planets it aspects. Because it represents our upbringing and emotional background, the Moon denotes our sense of belonging and well-being (or not) and what we need in order to feel comfortable and content. But all too often the tendency is for the Moon to reflect back the frayed impressions of old hurts and vendettas, thereby wasting precious energy on painful and unproductive distractions of the past. Clearly what is needed is a more aspiring attitude; one in which we are continually banging our cup and demanding that our needs be satisfied! What is your special hunger? What kind of stimulation do you need in order to feel good about yourself? True gratification can be had only by feeding your Moon. The Feast of the Present is spread out around you!

Moon in Virgo You are concerned and caring when it comes to the welfare of others. Not dynamic or too emotional, you are attentive, observant, rational, and above all efficient. But look out for becoming hypercritical and 'nit picking'. You are able to make the connections necessary for things to happen in your environment by applying your skills and know-how. A true do-it-yourselfer, you are happiest when you can feel useful, helpful, or are busy facilitating and perfecting some project.

Moon Sextile Uranus Emotional freedom. A stimulating and original outlook, especially when it comes to home and surroundings. Also manifests in unusual ways of supporting oneself. A nack for seeing where and when beneficial changes can be made to the immediate environment. Personal magnetism and a pronounced interest in unusual or so-called alternative ways of living.

Moon Square Neptune Lives in the feelings. Inspiring and magnificently compassionate. Strong idealization of the family, past and traditional matters. Most imaginative when it comes to spirituality and psychology. Entrancing to others with an ability to draw them into a world of imagination and dreams. A high floater and full-blown dreamer, complete with built-in psychic abilities and probably given to visions.

Moon Sesquiquadrate Jupiter Emotional buoyancy and growth. There is great optimism and an ability to bounce back easily from negative experiences. Gains favours and the trust of others very easily, as it is seen as genuinely giving. Enjoys helping others solve their problems and giving them a new perspective. Ability to counsel others is excellent and is often sought out for advice. There is a strong desire for both closeness and freedom, and a pronounced affinity for getting into the philosophical grounds of things. Prefers moving forward to maintaining the status quo.

The Planets: Agents of the Cosmos

The planets of astrology are not just giant balls of rock and gas, but fractal reflections of the different facets of reality - whole self-consistent categories of meaning. They reveal tendencies which are in a continual state of 'becoming'. But each individual is responsible for developing his or her attributes and actively integrating the planets' detailed messages. Having had the broad qualities pointed out, you are free to work with or against the cosmic current. But you will only benefit from the universal self-organising process by intentionally and planfully improving on those features as depicted in your birth chart. We only get where we're going by moving in the right direction. Destiny is a matter of Destination.

The Astrological Mercury

Mercury is the articulate messenger - Hermes - master of the networks, change and complexity. He represents mentality: words, thoughts, ideas, communications. But more generally, this is the planet of connections - everything that links and conveys - synchronicity - the magical crossroads at which the observer stands to see the 'similarity of meaning' in the converging strands of various causes and effects. This is the meeting place of mind and matter, where logic, wit and reason are brought into play. The power of thought. The power of words. The ancestor of every action is a thought, and how we say something is often more important than what we say. Words trigger attitudes and set up resonances of their own, continuing to do their work even when the attention is elsewhere. Guided by your Mercury, you begin to construct a bridge between yourself and the world, bringing together all the unique circumstances needed to trigger results that none of them could have produced on their own. Mercury shows how you can 'hijack' people, places and situations to your best advantage - the way you can go about getting your way.

Mercury in Aquarius Original and clever, you thrive mentally on the abstract and dialectical. You are an impartial thinker, democratic to the point of being impersonal, and fascinated by the latest technology. Mercury is very much at home in this sign and it often produces the most innovative thinkers and inventors. Always thinking of the world as a unity, you are idealistic and believe in putting into practice what is preached. Group-conscious and future-oriented, often witty, quick and chatty, you find it easy to see through large concepts and schemes. When it comes to 'mindgames', others would find it you to be a most worthy opponent.

Mercury Square Uranus You do a lot to fulfill the popular stereotype of the "genius," so obviously brilliant are some of the things you think and say. You have such an outpouring of insights that having a conversation with you can be a real experience. Your mind works like lightning. Words and thoughts sort of shoot out, illuminating whatever subject is at hand. You really do have very different ideas and ways of expressing them. There may also be a sustained interest in communication, computers, electronics, and all that is electrical.

Mercury Trine Pluto When it comes to mental work, you have a perfect gift for research and investigation. You enjoy examining and analyzing, in particular when it comes to psychological and sensitive areas of the mind. Your ability to sift through the dross and come up with what is essential every time is exceptional. You like to discuss and communicate, again always at a psychological and very personal level. Others may find you intense.

Mercury Semisquare Venus You have a love affair going with the mind and you value all of its offspring: words, ideas, thoughts, and such. And you love to talk. In particular you appreciate good conversation, and you feel that stimulating mental adventures (either alone or with others) are among the most exciting experiences life offers. You have a built-in sense of discrimination when it comes to the intellect -- all mental activities.

Mercury Opposite Saturn You are very deliberate when it comes to words, to what you say and think. When you concentrate, you always come up with what is essential to the matter at hand, ignoring all else. You're anything but "flip," and your more serious approach to ideas, while welcome when there is mental work to do, may not always be appreciated when others are in more social moods. The sciences are natural for you.

The Astrological Venus

Venus is harmony. She symbolises our relationship with all that we meet in the world. When we appraise or appreciate something, whether that be another person or a possession, this is Venus - the sense of love or appreciation we feel. Venus is reciprocity, interaction with others, compromise, reconciliation and balance. She is also our need for approval, and how we seek it - 'we' consciousness and union. This ability to get-it-together is also tested by our talent (or lack of) for developing a sense of wealth and affluence. Venus is what we love, feel comfortable with and what appeals to us. And she has much to do with desires, luxuries and their enjoyment. She is also about making oneself enjoyable. Thus her energy is what has been called the 'courtier spirit', which means being agreeable and smoothing the path. In many ways she shows us how we can get the most, both relationship-wise and financially, out of life. As the planet of balance and resources, Venus speaks to us about the ways one influences the other; for as any successful businessperson will tell you, you must be willing to spend money in order to make it. This is the lifeblood of commerce - there must be an out-going as well as an in-coming flow of energy. Good relationships require give-and-take, as do all successful enterprises.

Venus in Sagittarius Not prudish, you insist on freedom of expression in all things. You love great ideas and travel. This makes you well-suited to international business and anything having to do with acquiring a broader understanding - higher education and the like. An idealist of the first degree, you are honest and frank, preferring the truth to any brand of flattery. Risky ventures will appeal.

Venus Trine Jupiter You have an innate love of the law and working things through, and you are not put off by problems and obstacles. On the contrary, you look forward to solving them. You have the ability to work with others, in particular regarding vocation or career guidance. You can advise and guide in matters requiring work-related decisions. Others find you a generous and loving person. You always share what you find and have a lucky streak too.

Venus Semisquare Uranus You cherish whatever is different and out of the ordinary. The commonplace and the humdrum are not for you. Your friends and surroundings -- everything around you -- must be unconventional to the point of being controversial. You could care less what others think, and this independence is your passion. The way you show affection may also be unusual, and your partners are certainly nonconformist. You set a high value on being different.

The Astrological Mars

Mars is the planet of motivation and drive. It is the self-starting impetus, initiative and energy we need to get moving. When we search for the meaning of something, life or whatever, it is Mars that urges us on and keeps us searching. Mars also drives us against things too, as when it sends us into war and combat. Mars looks for the challenge, takes charge and pushes forward with a pioneering spirit. Mars is purposeful, direct and courageous; where our passion is, there we find the planet Mars. Thus it also has to do with ardor and impulses, and often signifies the sex-drive, especially in a man's chart. Martian energy enjoys becoming involved in the thrust of life - acting promptly on an urge and, within that conviction, creating more trust in its own actions. This is a circular process: The more we trust and act, the more we receive impulses that can be trusted.

Mars in Gemini You have an inner need for communication of all kinds and may have too many irons in the fire at times. You can be all over the place, always trying to make one more connection. Speaking and writing are natural interests. You have a need for lots of variety and change of pace. High mental energy produces arguments.

Mars Opposite Neptune A desire for unity and atonement. You have an urge to put out to sea and to somehow get past what separates and into that which unites or ties things together. Your drive to make dreams real keeps you working for your vision. The ideal should be made real. You put your whole heart into making your dreams and ideals a reality.

Mars Trine Pluto You enjoy working with whatever is psychological -- the hidden, vulnerable, sensitive areas of the mind and self. You can handle material that is sensitive or taboo without batting an eye. This interest in all that is psychological makes you an excellent teacher in the field. You have a natural grasp for the political, for handling the public, and you know how to get your way. Your drive in these areas amounts to a passion, and those around you may feel that you are often too intense. Power struggles are somewhat routine for you.

Mars Sextile Jupiter You are a great doer, an accomplisher. Your outgoing nature, coupled with extremely skillful ways of handling other people, make you a natural for working with or for the public. You would make an excellent teacher or coach, and helping others to make career decisions is a skill you possess. Your career is never a problem, for you have the kind of drive that others can only dream about. Everything works out well for you.

Mars Semisquare Saturn You are responsible to the extreme, always taking on obligations and pushing yourself to the limit. You pursue your obligations with much emotion and obvious enthusiasm. You are spartan when it comes to your needs and surroundings. Small and less are beautiful for you. If anything, you try too hard and tend to force things. Others may find your approach too severe. You can be too sober and frugal.

The Astrological Jupiter

When it comes to an astrology of success and empowerment, some planets are more important than others simply because of their nature. As the planet of outreach and exploration, Jupiter plays a very important role here. The Hindu word for Jupiter is 'Guru' (Teacher), and Jupiter is about having an outlook or belief system - something we can identify with or look forward to. It shows how we search for meaning in our lives, and therefore has much to tell us about our 'ideal' vocation. Jupiter is the guiding philosophy which provides us with our sense of direction and shows us how to approach life's problems. Jupiter is 'conscience', ethics, as well as our opinions and how we form them. It represents our speculations about the world and can tell us much about the process of self-discovery. As the 'lord of opportunity', prosperity, affluence, and all the benefits we earn through our outgoing-ness and out-giving to others, Jupiter's position in your chart is instrumental in determining your capacity for optimism and attracting luck. To enhance Jupiter's benefit in your life, follow the indications of his placement in your chart. In general, by adopting a spread of effort rather than a concentration - by accepting Life's invitations and maximising what they have to offer - by saying 'yes' to the exotic and unfamiliar - we deliberately extend our range of contacts and interests whereby luck can reach us. There is an organic connection between this attitude and the arrival of the good things in life. A note of warning though, you can have too much of a good thing.

Jupiter in Aries Set your career sights on a field where you can take charge - something challenging and in which you can operate free from restrictions. Because of your ability to follow impulses, you will often be the one who takes the initiative. Always "walking point," you tend to be a loner; confident, single-minded and focussed. You draw luck into your life by pushing events, by being direct and moving toward clearly defined goals.

Jupiter Trine Neptune You would do well in a career in music, poetry, psychology, philosophy -- the realms of the imagination. You work well in these areas and can help or teach others by sharing your understanding. You can serve as a guide to the nether worlds of the mind and psyche -- religions, mysticism, and so on. Spiritual problems and questions are easy, for you always grasp the unity behind what appears separate.

Jupiter Opposite Pluto A career in psychology, areas of the mind and self that are vulnerable and sensitive, is indicated. You not only like change and transforming experiences, you pursue them for their own sake. You head straight for whatever challenges your sense of identity and puts you through changes. This life path could also carry you into subjects like reincarnation, psychic experiences, and all that is occult or hidden from common view. You plunge right in, dig through the whole mess, and leave not a secret unturned. Yours is a career deep in change, transformation, and metamorphosis.

The Astrological Saturn

Saturn is the prince of the material world - the planet of materialisation and incarnation, self-containment and personal distinction. Saturn rules the limitations of the world we live in and so indicates where we are bound to learn self-discipline and duty - whether we like it or not! It is the boundaries around us that make identity possible. As time passes, you slowly but surely crystallise a personal identity, distinct and unique from the others around you, by excluding whatever does not seem compatible with your purpose. Each new day adds to this evolutionary sense of 'I', with the object being an increased sense of responsibility. Saturn is said to be the hard taskmaster, the planet that keeps us from getting carried away in one direction or another. And although it seems to limit and undermine, it also defines and clarifies. For it is the process of sedimentation - building layer upon layer with structure and control - whereby we see our ambitions realised. Nothing worthwhile can be accomplished without determination, concentration, persistence, commitment and patience.

Saturn in Cancer You could have difficulty in letting go and feeling life, preferring instead to think about it rather than do it. Afraid of the sense world, you avoid plunging in and fear being caught or tied down. "To be or not to be" is your question. There is a need to accept the responsibility and limitations of home life and family.

Saturn Sesquiquadrate Neptune You may have difficulty letting go and being imaginative. Your no-nonsense, practical approach makes subjects like the unity of life, ideals, and dreamy stuff hard for you to take. However, your dreams and ideals are very important to you, and you methodically go about putting them into practice. You have little interest in the spirituality and psychologies that are rampant today. You see through that and value the essential unity behind all religions. You could bring imagination and religious understanding to physical and scientific studies.

The Astrological Uranus

To live a full and satisfying life, you must be vividly yourself. Many of us are afraid to be different, and the pressure to conform can be stifling. But to live creatively is to find your own way, even if this means going against the grain. This urge to free-will and self-authorisation is Uranus, the planet of fierce independence. Surprise can be stimulating - the jab that gets you out of the rut. And if you want to ride the wave of chaos instead of being swallowed by it - if you want to liberate yourself from the disruptions and shocks around you - you must voluntarily keep out of the groove. Realise that change is the only constant phenomenon. In randomness is all potential. Disorder increases possibilties. Chance! Uranus is the reverse of the status quo and always unconventional and heretical: If life is accidental, we are free to give it any point we like. Become Yourself!

Uranus in Scorpio You are innovative in sexual matters (anything taboo) and have insights into what makes our darker side tick. All things mystical and occult hold your interest. Drugs too. You have new thoughts on desires and possessions. You enjoy sex and respect cravings of all kinds.

The Astrological Neptune

Neptune is the desire and ablility to transcend normal consciousness and everyday waking life - to dream the impossible dream. This 'divine discontent' can be the cause of much mischief in itself, for to pursue the Ideal is often to avoid the reality of how things are. But, when it comes to many of the apparently insolvable problems, the Neptunian approach is often the most sensible and practical: Rise above it and get over it! The healthy tendencies of Neptune lie in its ability to see the cosmic humor in almost anything; to laugh at life's absurdities. And sometimes laughter is the only genuine response - the last great act of defiance! This is the art of 'sitting loose to life', which means developing a less resisting, more surrendered attitude in which we expect the best of all unfulfilled possibilities and potentials - and never stop dreaming!

Neptune in Sagittarius Idealism is an innate talent, and you are in love with grand gestures and long thoughts. Religion, politics and philosophy are natural interest. The world traveler, you enjoy fair, just, frank and broad-minded persons. You are gregarious and sports-minded. You dare to dream big. You like new philosophies and long novels.

Neptune Sextile Pluto You work with real imagination and understanding in areas of the mind that are the most personal or private -- depth psychology. You are like a midwife of the spirit, assisting at the birth of each individual going through a spiritual or re-birth process. You accept the natural process of birth, spiritual and physical, and have dedicated yourself to helping it along. You would make a great teacher in these areas.

The Astrological Pluto

Pluto is the planet of profound change, starting deep within you and moving toward the surface, often touching upon the most sensitive areas. It's about waking up to the 'hidden things', and doing so by reaching an intensity of awareness whereby, once touched, you have no choice but to change and grow. Pluto is the process of becoming fully conscious of (revealing) what has been happening all around you, even though you may not have been aware of it. Like sex and death - you get to a certain stage in your development and suddenly you realise what's going on. Pluto is first-hand sensitive experiences and times of complete identification with a person, feeling or idea. This is very intense stuff, and to touch upon this material is to go through permanent change and transformation - inner alchemy.

Pluto in Libra Change and inner growth tend to come through relationships, both friends and lovers. Marriage or union (yoga) will be very intense and not at all superficial. You get to the heart of a relationship each and every time.

House Activity and Emphasis

Astrologers agree that astrology is first of all the study of the angular relationships between the planets themselves. But this planetary framework is seen to shift and modify itself as the planets slowly move across the backdrop of the signs, the so-called 'fixed stars' which make up the zodiac. As the earth turns daily on its axis, the planets and signs appear to move across our field of vision through what astrologers have termed 'houses'. The sun rises at dawn and can be seen on the eastern horizon, or first house cusp, or ascendant. It reaches 'midheaven' at noon, and sinks below the western horizon at the descendant. Like the twelve signs of the zodiac, the twelve houses of the horoscope can be viewed as stages in a complete cycle: From the initial thrust of Aries and the first house, to the maximum entropy symbolised in Pisces and the 12th house. They provide clues as to which areas of your life can be given special attention and used depending on the signs and planets residing there. Here is an analysis of the house activity in your chart based on sign and planet emphasis. As you read along, keep in mind that each house represents a department of life, and the sign falling on each house cusp indicates the mode of action applied to the affairs of that house. In other words, the sign on each house cusp, along with any planet(s) contained therein, shows how one deals with the conditions of that house.

The First House

The first house, also called the ascendant or rising sign, is a dharma house and connected with motivation and our approach to life. It also has to do with how we come across to others, thus our appearance and how we make a first impression. The ascendant is the essential stuff that bubbles up in us spontaneously - what is obvious to others as our trademark look or approach. The first house shows our ability to be recognised, how we make a directed effort, and how we exert our will. Cultivate the strategies of this part of your chart to move forward in life.

Leo on the 1st House Cusp Leo energy is expressive, vital and exuberant. Often very artistic, and always theatrical and dramatic, this is the sign of creativity and the arts. Warm and big-hearted, Leo lives in full appreciation and celebration of the finer elements of life, bringing a dynamism and enthusiasm to everything it touches. This is the fearless 'becoming' stage, where things are done for their own sake, playfully and with pleasure.

Moon in the 1st House You always manage to end up in the limelight, with the support of those around you. You get a lot of mileage out of your appearance and the way you carry yourself and communicate to others. You could make your living from the public.

The Second House

The second house is connected with matters of wealth; how we respond to, enjoy and get in harmony with our surroundings. This is how we hold or acquire things (possessions, material goods, money, and other resources), and how we gain material support and sustenance. The second house refers to how we secure ourselves, how we make a firm foundation, as well as the kind of response we get from life and those around us. Therefore it has much to say about our material rewards.

Virgo on the 2nd House Cusp Virgo energy is analytical and precise, always separating out what is worthwhile and worth supporting from that which is outmoded and of no further use. A mental earth sign, here the mind takes control over matter. This is the sign of 'ways and means', implementation, instrumentation, physical effectiveness and efficiency. Virgo energy is always facilitating, often caring more for others than for itself.

The Third House

The third house shows how we make connections and communicate with the world. This is where we draw parallels, make comparisons, and sort through it all. A very mental house, it is concerned with finding, gathering, all manner of questioning, articulation and conversation. In short, it symbolises the functions of the rational mind - linking observations and ideas, and using them to our advantage.

Libra on the 3rd House Cusp Libra energy is always responsive and conciliating, assuming the appropriate reaction or delicately-weighted strategic response to any question or statement. What is sometimes seen as two-faced is only Libra's facility at responding to each in kind, giving both sides equal consideration. This is certainly the social sign, par excellence. Impersonal and impartial, this sign doles out only what is demanded - nothing overdone, but nothing neglected.

Pluto in the 3rd House A good detective or research person. You can't help but get past all that is superficial. A passion for inquiry, questioning and searching finds you always in pursuit of some piece of information... communicating, writing, speaking.

The Fourth House

The fourth house is a very emotional house, concerned with matters of comfort and security. Here is how we create the right conditions, the matrix or womb, in which our desires can flourish; the climate necessary for things to grow. It's about receptivity, nurturing and all the self-protective measures we take to ensure a secure base of operations. This is why the fourth house is related to the mothers, all 'mothering' functions, domestic issues and feeling 'at home'.

Scorpio on the 4th House Cusp Scorpio is intense, passionate, and very personal. It rushes past superficialities and right to the heart of any matter. A loyal friend but a fanatic foe, this sign does well in politics and all areas where someone who dares is rewarded. Associated with sexual energy, Scorpio loves to get involved, going down deeper, coming up dirtier, and laying bare anything that lies hidden there.

Uranus in the 4th House You are very independent when it comes to your own security and family. This could mean an unconventional-style home or furnishings, or a different approach to sentiment, nostalgia, and history.

The Fifth House

The fifth house, another dharma or 'life purpose' house, has to do with creativity and warm out-going self-expression. Here is where we find our originality and flair, enthusiasm, and even pride in ourselves, building confidence and self-esteem. This is the life area of personal sovereignty, where we begin to recognise and appreciate our own dynamic and playful nature. All forms of creative expression (including love affairs and offspring) are connected with this house.

Sagittarius on the 5th House Cusp Sagittarius is nothing if not direct, candid, and to the point, for this sign is always concerned with the absolute truth of the subject at hand. Associated with philosophy, outreach and all things boundless, Sagittarian energy is always welcome in politics as well as social and community endeavors where its basic fairness and expansiveness is helpful.

Venus in the 5th House You probably love the theater and all that is creative, expressive, and artsy. You appreciate the dramatic, and emotional scenes are a sign of life to you. You love action, sports, and putting your heart and feelings on the line.

Neptune in the 5th House You have great creative imagination, perhaps a strong sense for the dramatic and the ability to express ideas of a mystical or other-worldly flavor. Entertaining children (and adults) with enchanting stories and the like is indicated.

The Sixth House

The sixth house is the house of physical efficiency. Here we separate the wheat from the chaff; get a sense for what is useful, what is not, and make the best of it. This is the life stage of 'apprenticeship', where we make a connection between mind and matter, adapt ourselves to a situation and then seek to improve upon it. Hence the connection of the sixth house with routine; 'practice makes perfect'. The sixth house shows how well we handle the details of life - our ability to solve problems and get our way.

Capricorn on the 6th House Cusp Capricorn is the business head of the zodiac, for it is the very opposite of the emotional Cancer. Given to clear ambition and practical insight and vision, this sign always takes a distanced perspective and a cool appraisal. Deliberate and painstaking, sometimes to the point of austerity, Capricorn loves work and the hard-earned results. Status and material reward are very important.

Sun in the 6th House You are a good worker, always thinking and caring for things. You are naturally service-oriented and enjoy taking care of the needs of others. You are very discriminating and can sort out the good apples from the bad.

Mercury in the 6th House You are skilled at using your mind in an analytical manner, always discriminating. An expert at quality control, you can spot the bad apples every time. You may be skillful when it comes to health-related matters (mental or physical).

The Seventh House

The seventh house, the descendant - opposite of the ascendant - is connected with partnerships, relationships and 'significant others'. Here is where we learn to strike a balance - the art of give and take. All that carries us beyond our personal self (and into an awareness of contradictory or complementary points of view) is symbolised by the seventh house. This is where we respond to the personal needs of others. Therefore marriage and union (yoga) are indicated by this house, as well as one's ability to respond to a marriage partner.

Aquarius on the 7th House Cusp Aquarius, the sign of humanitarian goals and altruism. Always impartial and nonsectarian, Aquarian energy is communal (even global). The focus is on the goal, and the goal is always one that is for the many and not the few. Thus this sign is connected to far-seeing visions, world views and group work of all kinds. This sign tends towards coolness, independence.

The Eighth House

The eighth house is the house of first-hand transformative experiences and situations - those areas of life that we may not care to face, but we must face sooner or later... the so-called 'inevitables' of life, such as death and taxes. The eighth is also concerned with catharsis; the getting rid of excess parts of ourselves that we no longer need. This house covers initiations of all kinds, as well as activities where we find ourselves transformed toward a more integral position. Thus it also covers any jointly held resources, their problems and their benefits.

Pisces on the 8th House Cusp Pisces energy runs deep and toward the mystical -- whatever transcends the everyday world. This sign is understanding, patient and compassionate. Super-sensitive, it tends to absorb it's surroundings like a sponge. The sign is very trusting, accepting and giving of itself for the sake of more important issues. It loves free-ranging activities which allow for some imaginative scope.

The Ninth House

The ninth house shows where we are willing to go beyond our everyday experience in search of meaning. Traditionally the house of 'long journeys', the ninth house is where we take journeys both of the body and the mind. Philosophy, beliefs, speculation, opinions and how we form them all belong to this house. Any time we reach out, explore new territory, or align our activities with something bigger, we are operating in the realm of the ninth house. Along with Jupiter's position, here is where we can attract luck by keeping open and receptive to opportunities.

Aries on the 9th House Cusp Aries is the sign of pioneers, leaders and 'firsts'. It is impulsive, assertive and spontaneous. It tends to act first, only thinking about what it may have done later. Rushing in where others fear to tread, Aries energy is attention-getting and always provokes a response from the surroundings and from others. It takes decisive action and loves self-reliance.

Jupiter in the 9th House Your devotion and search for truth may carry you across the globe and certainly to the far reaches of philosophy and religious thoughts. Your career may hinge on your need to always get at the seed, essence, or heart of every question.

The Tenth House

The tenth house, commonly called the midheaven, is the house of success and glory, practical vision and achieving a public distinction. Therefore one's reputation and career are often connected with this house. The sign on the tenth house cusp, as well as any planets located therein, show how we can strive to be a benefit to - as well as how we can benefit from - society. The tenth house is about having a goal in life and the self-determination to reach it. Here is how we can 'live our calling' and become self-piloting individuals.

Taurus on the 10th House Cusp Taurus is about drawing on the bounty of the earth, and seeking material security and physical safety there. It is the on-going, enduring, unchanging and preserving element. Hightened sensory input is also important, for it is the mission of this sign to not only find a sense of place within the material realm, but to enjoy it to the fullest, becoming physically aware of, and bonding with the environment.

The Eleventh House

The eleventh house is where we put our visions and dreams to work for others. The most future-oriented of the houses, the eleventh shows our hopes and dreams, and the opportunities we may have to reach them; how we can turn our dreams into reality. Therefore this house has always been connected with altruistic and humanitarian goals, as well as having the self-authorisation to set them in motion. Inventive and unusual, eleventh house activities often break from conformity, establishing new and unprecedented states of being.

Gemini on the 11th House Cusp Gemini is concerned with connections, communication and logic -- voice, thoughts, writing, and rational mental processes in general. It is also concerned with making comparisons, 'twins' and duplications of all kinds. Gemini is the communicator, the gossip of the zodiac, the collector of trivia. Gemini energy is unattached, independent, very inquisitive and changable.

Mars in the 11th House You have real community spirit, a drive to work with others on projects of humanitarian interest. An urge to make your altruistic dreams a reality keeps you moving in the direction of group goals and work.

The Twelfth House

The twelfth house is where consciousness dawns - the house of the rising Sun. This is the indeterminate state - the chaos before the new impulse - where all is yet unfulfilled potentialities. Traditionally this is the house of 'sacrifice', and is often connected with prisons, betrayal and self-undoing. Although we can choose to become trapped and frustrated by the many obstructions to attaining our dreams, we can also choose to reach outward and upward to a more fulfilled state, transcending the usual down-dragging conditions and rising above difficulties - thus establishing a life nearer our ideal. Here in the twelfth house we have the capacity to attain liberation by using our visionary scope and working creatively with life's intangibles - the power of imagination!

Cancer on the 12th House Cusp Cancer is the mother of the zodiac, always making a home, protecting and providing a foundation for others. A sensitive sign where feelings and real experience count more than cold logic, it doesn't get any more physical and emotional than this. Cancer energy is always nurturing, sensitive, tender and moody. It feeds on emotional comforts, and often has a strong attachment to the past and ancestry.

Saturn in the 12th House You are very serious when it comes to self-sacrifice and doing all you can to make things easier for other people. You pursue psychology, the human psyche, and things mystical. You are quite painstaking when it comes to giving and helping others.

Lastly, there is no 'one and only' reading of the birth chart. The symbols of your horoscope change as your life changes - they mean one thing in the life of a youngster, and quite another in middle age. The mystery of the astrological symbols, and part of their beauty, is that they are flexible enough to be relevant and fixed enough to be meaningful, allowing you to approach your horoscope again and again with questions about past, present and future concerns.

1993-2009 Chaos Astrology

*Sigh*

Yes. It's been forever since I've blogged. I spend a lot of time typing up notes and this and that, and well, quite frankly, now that I've been doing the voice blogs, I haven't really wanted to write too much. I'd just rather call and rant...LOL

It's not all rants, but I do get frustrated with this whole process with Dan. Even today... I'd written up a parenting agreement for him to look over. He brought it back with one major complaint... the stipulation that new relationships are not introduced to the children until they have been serious and committed for at least 90 days. He wanted to go 45. I pointed out his instability. He argued that the girls had only met two of his girlfriends. I reminded him of at least one more. Then he pointed out that the girls hadn't had to wait 90 days to meet James. I reminded him that he hadn't waited 90 days for the girls to meet the girlfriend that HE had at the time, and if James and I were to split, and if I were to start dating again, I would gladly wait AT LEAST 90 days before introducing the children to a new guy... and pointed out that it would be harder for me to keep the relationship away from the kids, since I had them the majority of the time.

He continues to argue this point. (I sent him a bunch of links with the information that I had read, most of which said wait AT LEAST six months.) Then he asked me about trusting his judgment, and I reminded him that in the past year his judgment has not been very good.

He then tells me that his relationships are none of my business... or actually says "nonya". That word, for some reason, has always annoyed me, so when it came out of his mouth, I was already annoyed. I pointed out that if his relationships weren't my business, then they needn't be the children's either. He said that the kids know nothing about his relationships, when I told him that Chloe came home talking about him marrying the person he had a date with on Valentine's Day. He then chastised HER for saying that, when he really needs to reexamine the things that he's telling the girls.

James tried to point out that if it involves the kids, then it is my business, that I have a right to know who the children will be spending time with, if it comes to that point. Dan just told him that he didn't want to hear "any of that crap" and then tried to change the subject, blaming me for the drama that has followed him around for the past year or so. I pointed out that the drama came directly from those with whom he was involved. He pointed out what I'd told someone that he had AIDS... I reminded him that it came from an ex girlfriend who'd sworn that he'd told her. It's infuriating how an individual can be so... self-absorbed... I don't even know if that's the right word... that they don't even see their own role in things that happen, and choose to blame everyone else for their "bad luck".

He even stated that all relationship problems were because of "them" and he wasn't going to let "them" do that any more, that he had learned a lot from his last relationship. James pointed out that relationship problems take two, and he said "not those". It's funny, because, looking back, I see a lot of these things that had happened in he and I's relationship, that I wasn't able to pinpoint before. All I knew was that I was unhappy.

Anyway, it's late, and while I've enjoyed my day off, I need to get to bed and get some sleep so that I can work all day tomorrow. I'll actually be home earlier than usual tomorrow, as well as Sunday... and I'll work on some of my papework tomorrow while I'm at the library, so that'll get some of it out of the way, so I'm not up until 5am again on Sunday finishing it up.

I'm putting all of my voice blogs on here that I haven't embedded yet. There are a LOT of them...

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Yes, I know one is missing. I mistakenly recorded one when I didn't mean to!